超越西方亲子沟通的实用工具:中国家庭教育“铁三角”模型的构建

The Practical Tools Outperforming Parent-child Communication in the West:Construction of the“Iron Triangle”Model of Chinese Family Education

近年来,美国亲子沟通的“正面管教”“父母效能训练”“非暴力沟通”“如何说孩子才会听怎么听孩子才肯说”等工具对我国家庭教育培训市场产生了重要影响。它们都以人本主义心理学为基础,揭示了用“权威”来训练孩子的局限性;提倡以既不惩罚也不娇纵的沟通方式,构建亲子关系间的“双赢”局面。尽管如此,这种过于标准化和工具化的家长训练方法,本质上是对个体家庭自身交往模式及修复机制的漠视与不尊重;尤其在与东方文化碰撞后,其实施中面临的“本土化”问题暴露得更加彻底。为此,从“文化自信”的角度,本研究建构了一个由爱、榜样和边界构成的家庭教育“铁三角”理论模型,它是一个家庭拥有健康环境的充分必要条件;也是所有家庭教育指导工作开展中可依循的“铁律”。

In the past ten years,positive parenting,parental effectiveness training(PET),non-violent communication,“how to talk so children will listen”and other tools and methods in the United States have had a very important impact on the training market for family education guidance in China.These approaches are based on humanistic psychology,revealing the limitations of using“authority”to train children in various family communication scenes,and advocating the establishment of parent-child relationships with communication methods that neither punish nor indulge kids to build the“win-win”situation.Nonetheless,the over-standardized and instrumental parent training methods they provide are essentially disregard and distrust the individual family’s own interaction patterns and repair mechanisms;especially when it collides with traditional oriental culture,the problem of“localization”it faces was exposed more thoroughly.Therefore,based on the perspective of“cultural confidence”,this paper constructs a theoretical model of“iron triangle”for family education composed of love,role models and boundaries,which constitutes a necessary and sufficient condition for a family to have a healthy education environment;The“iron law”that education and guidance work should follow.